Why we've got the happiness equation all wrong

I’m a real sucker for a good personal development or business book. I have stacks of them by my bedside, and it’s taken me a while to get to the one I’m currently devouring, but wow what a game changer this is.

Author Shawn Achor wrote ’The Happiness Advantage’ after spending over a decade researching and teaching at Harvard University, and conducting one of the largest ever studies into happiness and human potential.

He discovered that most of us have been taught from a young age that if we work hard, then we will be successful, and then we will be happy. 

We hear this message at home, at school, at work and from society in general. Which explains why we chase those high grades, and promotions, and pay rises, and the bigger house or the bigger car, thinking this will eventually lead to happiness.

And yet in the course of his research, he was finding amongst his own students at Harvard that many of them were distinctly unhappy.

Achievement in itself didn’t seem to hold the key.

During his decade long hunt for the keys to happiness, he came across new research from the growing areas of positive psychology and neuroscience which showed that we have had this backwards all along:

In fact, happiness leads to success.

Happiness and optimism actually fuel performance and achievement, and a more positive brain is more motivated, more resilient, more creative and more productive.

So where do you begin if you want to feel happier? Well a great place to start is to understand our capacity for change. Many of think we are just born a certain way:

“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”
“I’m just not a very positive person”
“I’m good at certain things but not others, it’s the way I am”

But in fact, new research into ‘neuroplasticity’ shows that our brains can adapt and grow throughout our lives. We aren’t stuck with a certain skill set and personality that we thought we were born with. We can in fact continually learn new skills through practice. 
 
So it’s perfectly possible to learn to be happier!

I’ll be sharing one of my favourite happiness tips later this week which you can apply in your daily life, and I’d love to hear how you get on! Feel free to comment and let me know.

So here’s to all of us turning that happiness equation on its head, and seeing how more happiness = more success!

My top 5 tips for overcoming presentation nerves

Sometimes at work we have to face our fears in order to progress and one of the biggest fears for many is public speaking.

Perhaps you’ve been asked to give a presentation, or chair a meeting, or simply attend a work event which will be full of strangers that you want to impress. But the thought of it is terrifying and you’re busy coming up with all kinds of excuses to get out of it!

Which is not surprising, because public speaking triggers a fight or flight response in our brains which has been hard wired in there since we were cavemen (or women). Now facing a room full of expectant faces isn’t as life threatening as fighting off a saber-tooth tiger, but our brains still can’t tell the difference and so many of us continue to fear public speaking. 
 
As an introvert myself, I can completely relate to these fears, but have gradually picked up a few of tools and tricks which help to calm my nerves before giving workshops and which I want to share with you. 

1. Be prepared. Rehearse your material and get to know it inside out. Choose your outfit the night before. Google your journey so that you know exactly how to get there. Arrive early so that you have time to check out the meeting room or venue, or browse the attendee list. The more familiar you are with what’s to come, the calmer you will feel.

2. Use the 4-7-8 breath. This breathing technique originally comes from yoga and has been adapted for use as a relaxation tool by integrative health champion Dr Weil. He suggests simply breathing in though your nose for 4 seconds, holding for 7 seconds, then breathing out forcefully though your mouth for 8 seconds making a ‘whoosh’ sound. Repeat this 2-4 times to slow your heart rate and calm your mind. Before a speaking event, I take myself off to the loo, shut the door and give myself a couple of minutes in private to use this breathing technique and it never fails to relax me.

3. Try the ‘Power Pose’. A 2010 study conducted by Harvard Lecturer Amy Cuddy found that simply holding the ‘power pose’ for 2 minutes can affect your body chemistry and increase your confidence. Her TED talk on the topic has been viewed 43 million times so she must be on to something!  Want to try it yourself? Just adopt the ‘Wonder Woman’ pose (see top pic) and hold it for two mins. If you feel self conscious, take yourself off to another room or once again head for the loos!

Giving a workshop to the Barclays WIN Network

4. Have your ‘Cheerleading Squad’ ready and ask for support if you need it. I always have a couple of close friends or family members on standby who know exactly when and where I’m giving my talk. If I have a last minute wobble, I can reach out and get an encouraging text back, and just knowing that they’re sending me love and support from afar helps me feel much braver and less alone. Who could be your cheerleaders?

5. The more often you do it, the easier it becomes. Honest. I don’t think I will ever LOVE public speaking but after I did my first workshop with 20 people, something clicked inside. I got through it and nothing terrible happened. Which must have told my fearful brain that perhaps this situation wasn’t so life threatening after all. When I did my next workshop, this time with 30 people, I was still nervous but MUCH less so and there were actually moments where I could relax and enjoy it! So keep pushing past the fear and it will gradually lessen over time. 

Do you get nervous abut public speaking? What are your tips and tricks for getting through it? I’d love to know, share in the comments below...

4 steps to overcoming your fear of visibility

I was chatting with one of my lovely clients the other day and she was struggling with something that she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

She is building her amazing new business alongside her current job, has recently launched her website and then…. hmm. Crickets.

And so we discussed some ways that she could begin to spread the word about her new business and raise her visibility, and that’s where it became clear what her main struggle was:

How can I overcome my fear of being more visible?

Becoming more visible in your business can be a scary leap, especially if you’ve spent years in a corporate job where there was always a boss or team to hide behind. But the reality is that if you and your business aren’t visible to your potential customers, then you won’t have a business. It’s as simple as that.

Believe it or not, your customers want to connect with YOU and your story, and people are often attracted to brands where they get a sense of the real person and the journey behind them.

So if you don’t feel comfortable about promoting yourself, then how can you improve your confidence and visibility in your business, in a way that feels natural and authentic?

1. Work on your mindset. Becoming more visible can trigger all sorts of fears, confidence issues, ‘imposter syndrome’, feelings of self doubt and overwhelm. We work a lot on these issues in my Career Coaching Programme because if you don’t have the right mindset, then starting your business will be much harder than it needs to be (and if you’re asking yourself “Do I need to be an expert to start a business?” then read this blog post).

2. Make yourself accountable. If you’re an introvert like me, then you can probably find 100 excuses to avoid getting out in front of your audience! But finding an ‘accountability buddy’ and letting them know what you plan to do can make a huge difference. Set yourself some ‘visibility’ targets e.g go to a networking event, do a Facebook Live, send an email to your mailing list, post in a LinkedIn group etc, then schedule them in your diary and share your plans. It can make a huge difference if you ‘go public’ with your plans rather than keeping them to yourself.

3. Focus on being of service. If you’re struggling with sales and worrying about coming across as ‘pushy’ or ‘salesy’, then consider how it would feel if you approached your potential clients from a place of genuine service and desire to help them? That takes the focus off you and frees you up to do what you do best, which is to reach out and offer valuable solutions which will help people using your particular set of skills and strengths.

4. Give yourself time to build genuine 1:1 relationships. Just like in the ‘real world’, building relationships with your audience and potential clients will take time. So make an effort to show up regularly, be visible to them and engage in genuine conversations. Let them get to know you, ask them what they’re struggling with and build a connection. It will make running your business much more enjoyable and pay dividends in the long run.

So now over to you. Do you struggle with being more visible in your day job or in your business? What has helped you the most? I’d love to hear!